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Bigmincey
05-09-09, 07:35 PM
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie..'



Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single £1 Coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the £1 as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco Super Store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands and as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...







(You're going to hate me for this ..... )

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'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 AT TESCO!'

Alan..............

GTODave
06-09-09, 09:40 AM
A couple decided to go for a meal and after some deliberation settled for their local Chinese restaurant.

They peruse the menu and finally agree to share the chef's special 'Chicken Surprise'.

The waiter brings over the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to tuck into the meal, the lid of the pot rises by a tiny amount and she briefly see's two beady eyes looking around before the lid slams back down again.

'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband.

He hasn't so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two beady little eyes looking around before it firmly slams back down.

Rather perturbed he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

'Well sir', says the waiter, 'What did you order?'

'We both chose the same', he replies, 'the Chicken Surprise'

'Oh I do apologise, this is my fault' says the waiter...


















I've brought you the Peeking Duck...

Bigmincey
06-09-09, 12:07 PM
Sniggers to himself !:D

Alan.............